Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
