Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
