This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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