so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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