the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
