I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
