Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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