Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
