A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
