she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
