No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
