so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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