dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
