My underwear smells like fireworks.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
