Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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