he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
