Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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