i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
