i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
