Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
