Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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