addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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