just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
