don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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