I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
