i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize