Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
