i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
