Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
