I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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