Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
