I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
