I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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