Cold hands, warm shart.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
