I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
