he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
