i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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