ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
