Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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