just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
she peed on how many people?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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