Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
