dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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