I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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