let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize