i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
