I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
