But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
