those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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