we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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