Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize