you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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