from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
