I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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