He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
