at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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