He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
