I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
