I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
