And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
