I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
