Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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