Swine flu. Run for my life!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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