Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
