He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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