JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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