My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize