it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
where are my eyebrows?
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