there was a trapeze. enough said
she told me i tasted like america
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
