I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize