i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
