I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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